If you have read any of my previous posts as I have shared this Christian journey, you know I have had a bit of struggle along the way. I didn’t feel as if I was doing anything wrong. If fact, I felt I was doing fairly well. I was reading my Bible; I was praying; I wasn’t doing any of the things of the world God had delivered me from. I could not figure out what I was doing wrong, yet I knew something was not right because I felt stuck or in a holding pattern. In short, I didn’t feel God’s presence as I once did. I knew He was there, but something in the relationship was stagnant.
Last night I went to a worship service and came forward when the call went out for prayer. The woman of God told me that on THIS NIGHT, you are delivered. It wasn’t an instantaneous thing. In fact, I couldn’t really feel the hand of God until the woman of God removed her hand. But when He came...
I cannot fully describe what it’s like to KNOW you are in the very presence of God. I heard someone once describe it as having liquid sunshine flow through your veins. The closest I can come is comparing it to that feeling of being in love. There’s a difference in loving and being in love. It’s like that rush I got when I hadn’t seen my fiancé in a while (we were at different duty stations serving in the US Air Force). I’d talk with him on the phone and be assured of his love for me, but when I would see his car come around the corner and know he was with me – it took me to a whole new level of love and emotions. It was liquid sunshine.
Anyway, that was the feeling I had last night. And to seal the deal and make sure I didn’t depart from His presence (and anytime there is a separation it is we who do the departing for He has promised never to leave nor forsake us and He is not a man that He should lie) I got another word after the service. I was reminded, very specifically, of things I used to do and told to return to those things. I knew it was the voice of God speaking because again it was very specific. The vessel He used to remind me of what I once did, had no way of knowing the things she reminded me of. It was God.
So today, as I returned to my first love, seeking Him as I once did, He allowed me to see something I’d seen before, but never fully considered. It’s not always what you do that separates you from Him. 2 Chronicles 12:14 KJV says, “He did evil, because he prepared not his heart to seek the LORD.” The NIV says, “He did evil because he had not set his heart on seeking the LORD.” To put it simply, by not actively (or in my case whole-heartedly) seeking God, I by default, began to drift from God. As the woman of God mentioned last night, it’s like Peter walking on water to Jesus. When he began to sink it wasn’t because he did something wrong, he simply lost focus. James 4:17 NIV say, “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”
It is sin that separates us from God – all sin. And I was reminded today, sin is not necessarily something wrong that you do. Sometimes it’s the good that you fail to do. Saying I was not seeking God as actively or as wholeheartedly as I should may not sound like sin to some. Call it what you will, it made a difference in our relationship. When God called me out of the workforce, He told me very specifically to seek His face. I did just enough to get by even though I knew what it was He desired of me. It wasn’t what I was doing that caused me to feel far from God. It was the thing I’d failed to do.
A dear sister wanted me to return to the altar last night to complete my process of deliverance (I kind of ran away – in praise.) What she didn’t know, couldn’t know, was that my deliverance was from disobedience and it could only be completed where it began. Dear sister, I’ve received my deliverance. May God keep me as I press forward, never forgetting, “It’s not always what you do.”