I sat down before my computer today and prepared to write my second book. I prayed, I got all of my study materials together, and I put my hands on the keyboard. Nothing. Not one single solitary word. In my Charlie Brown voice – “UGGHHHHH!”
I prepared a cup of coffee and returned to my computer. Still nothing. I turned on some inspirational music. Nada. I prayed some more. What could possibly be wrong with me? I know I’m supposed to write this book. I know what’s supposed to be in it and the direction it’s to go. I know how to do this – I want to do this. But I wasn’t doing a thing, except maybe giving myself a tension headache.
I could hear a little squeaky voice quote to me James 4:17, “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” God had given me a work to do and instead of doing it, I was doing nothing – another day wasted. The devil is a liar! Yes, the devil will quote scripture to you also. He did it to Jesus during the temptation. (See Matthew 4, Mark 1, and Luke 4) He wanted me discouraged and down whereas God wanted me to just sit and enjoy His presence. He’s been calling me to seek Him and I just wanted to keep working for Him and the two are not the same.
You see, I’m in a tight spot at the moment so sitting still is very difficult – even sitting at the feet of God. My daughter has been accepted into a wonderful university and is so excited. There was stiff competition and she was wait-listed twice. But then she was accepted. Her dad and I were/are so proud. But the pride and joy has been tempered by the tuition plus room and board tab of $44,000. That’s just for her freshman year and doesn’t include books and other expenses. We have about half of it. But God…
Then I have been having trouble with my van. The oil light keeps coming on; my left turn signal works only when it wants to – which is about half of the time that I want it to; and finally my muffler fell completely off. It’s parked in the driveway. Oh, and I failed to mention, it needs an inspection so that we can go and get the new registration sticker for the tags. But God…
That is just the top of the list of things going on in my life that has my back up against the wall. I can almost feel the Israelites’ distress as they faced the Red Sea while hearing the thunder of Pharaoh’s chariots coming up behind them. I want to turn around and surrender – which in my case would be returning to the work force God called me out of or doing something, anything, to supplement our income. But God…
God is calling me to a higher place but before I can pack my bags and move, I have to be prepared for what is there. These old wine skins I now have in my possession will tear if God poured His new wine in.
So here I sit. I’m writing but not what I’d planned to write. I’ll even share it on my blog though some of you may not get the message I’m trying to convey. Many more of you will think, “I hear what you’re saying, but…” My thought is if just one person truly hears what I’m saying and is encouraged by it, then I’ve done my job.
So what am I saying? My ways are not His ways; neither are my thoughts His thoughts. But if I allow myself to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, I’ll come closer to allowing this mind (the mind of the Father) to be in me which is also in Christ Jesus. What God is doing in me and through me appears to be foolishness to many, occasionally even to me. But I trust God.
I will continue to study His Word and spend time in His presence through prayer and praise and worship. I’ll continue to seek His face or as Matthew 6:33 says, I’ll “seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things [college tuition, new vehicle…] will be added unto [me].” I trust God and I praise Him for these light afflictions. My trails come only to make me strong. And maybe, just maybe, I can strengthen someone else along the way.