I Am Not My Own


 For as long as I can remember I’ve been something of a know-it-all. Not in a boastful, prideful sort of way (I hope), but in a… hmmm. Maybe it was boastful, in that I have always craved attention.  (Amazing what you learn about yourself when you sit down and allow God’s Holy Spirit to reveal Himself and thereby reveal the true you.)

Anyway, I don’t remember a time where I didn’t want to be seen and recognized. I didn’t want to be looked over. Maybe it’s a middle-child thing; I don’t know. What I do know, is when I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life, I had to forget what I knew, and I definitely had to (have to) get over my desire to be seen and recognized. I’ve been a member of God’s family now for twenty-eight years – I’ve been a church member most of my fifty-two years but the two are not the same – and that lesson is finally beginning to hit home.

You see, in the beginning, I wanted Jesus to be my savior. I did not want Him to be Lord.  Merriam-Webster defines Lord as, “one having power and authority over others:  a ruler…to whom service and obedience are due.” That was too much for this intelligent, strong-willed, spot-light-craving woman to digest. Of course, I didn’t say I didn’t want God to be Lord out loud. I don’t even know if I was even aware, but the sentiment was there just the same. I wanted to be saved so that when I died I’d go to Heaven, but my life on earth was mine to live as I pleased – so I thought.

But as I grow and mature spiritually, I am learning that I can’t have it both ways. Especially if while on earth, I hope to enjoy all the rights and privileges of a child of the King. I tweeted some time ago that Jesus is either Lord of all or He is not Lord at all. We can’t come to Jesus and dictate to Him what we want and how He is to bless us. But we do it all the time.  We just want fire insurance and favor. We don’t want to submit and serve.

1 Corinthians 6:19b-20a reads in the New International Version, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price.” That tells me I no longer have the right nor the authority to do what I want when I want the way I want. Not without consequences anyway. I belong to God.  He is my Lord and therefore has authority over me. So, this know-it-all, intelligent, strong-willed, spot-light-craving woman is learning to back up and bow the knee. I want all that God has for me. It’s all good; gooder than good is how my pastor would say it. It’s better than anything I could ever do or get for myself. I’m learning, to get all of that, I have to forget myself and honor Him.

I am not my own. I belong to God. I must, therefore, honor God in all I say, do, or think. In order to accomplish, that I must not only decrease, I must completely cease. I must daily (sometimes hourly) be crucified with Christ so that I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I must live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me (Galatians 2:20). I repeat, I am not my own. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but the rewards are out of this world.

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